I’ve been trying to do better by my body lately: smaller portions, less caffeine, at least 30 minutes of exercise a day, that sort of thing.
I’ve noticed the effects of this hard work building little by little. At first it was just a tendency to fall asleep on my keyboard at 10 a.m., but since then I’ve added raging hunger pangs by 11:30 (a.m. and p.m.), total exhaustion by the third song on my Nordic Track workout playlist, and cravings for Girl Scout cookies by the case.
Not that the latter is really anything very unusual.
Anyway, some two months of effort culminated this week with a nasty sinus infection. I fought the good fight from my couch for two days. Weapons of choice: a box of Kleenex and tea by the vat. I ordered a Big Gulp of Nyquil on the side, with an Advil chaser, just as backup.
Clearly, I need more preservatives in my body if I’m even going to make it to the Mayan Apocalypse, let alone my golden years.
I’m in luck, however: Yesterday was the 100th birthday of the Oreo cookie. For someone looking to amp up her blood-high fructose corn syrup level, I can’t think of a better place to start.
I don’t have a problem saying no to most store-aisle cookies, but not Oreos. Particularly dunked in very cold milk. Mmmm. (And yes, I can sing the Oreo TV ad from the mid-1980s about Oreos and milk; thank you for asking.)
I used to be all about the frosting center when I was a kid. DoubleStufs were invented for people like me. But it lost something once they changed the formula away from pure lard (mmm, lard), so now I’m back to the single-layer, dipped-in-the-milk, total Oreo experience.
I particularly like the vanilla Oreos they came out with a few years back. I bought a package about a week ago and hadn’t yet opened it (we still had Girl Scout cookies, reason being that I was still, foolishly, trying not to eat them; see where THAT got me). As it happens, I cracked it open yesterday, in the hope that my swollen sinuses would allow a flavor molecule or two to penetrate. Alas, it was not to be – but I ate two anyway. Hope springs eternal.
I’m not sure if it counts as a snack food birthday celebration if you didn’t realize the birthday was going on when you consumed said snack food, however. I better eat a couple more today just to be in full compliance with Birthday Regulation #1147: Thou Shalt Have Thy Cake, and Eat it, Too.
Speaking of having your cake and eating it, check out this great New York Times story about a woman who made her own Twinkies. Those have never been the same since the formula changed, either. Sigh.
Anyway, tell me how you like your Oreos. Or Twinkies. Or any other junk food. I need to stock up.
